It’s all gone a bit tit’s up for my favourite queens of tackiness

Is anyone actually watching big brother.  Because it’s not really fair on them thinking about how when they return to the outside world they’l all be as famous as Suri Cruise and then when they actually do come back to reality, they’re about as famous as Steve Brokestein.

Michael Jacksons dead. That is very sad because he was all talented and weird and everyone had spent like a zillion quid for a standing ticket at his comeback tour that is no longer going to be happening seeing as it’s going to be harder than ever for him to come back.  It’s not like he’s Jesus or anything and can reserect himself. Only Nasty Nick off Eastenders and Bono can do that. I don’t have any real feelings towards Michael Jackson except that he was a bit odd and I don’t know anyone else that can change their skin colour.  I might get in touch with his surgeon cos I’ve always fancied being orange. Or actually I could just use some fake tan, probably cheaper.  Anyway…

Oh My Jonus, Peter and Kataaaaaiii have split up after she suffocated him with her rubber chest during the three legged race at Princess Tescos sports day.  Jordans being all slaggish and pole dancing in cages with Britney Spears and Smiley Virus (might not be completely true, but it’s much more exciting that way) while Peter Andre is using the tragedy to milk his new album for all it’s worth.

Question, do you think Zac washing machine Efron is sad that no one likes him anymore because of the pasty vampire one? Because the transition from one to the other was quite unexcpected and it must be hard when your talent is limited and all you have to cling on to is that weird tweenage heartthrob thing.

Jamie Oliver has Girly Sperm.

Apparently Queen of frozen prawns Kerry Katona is splitting up from her husband. According to OK magazine (which I bought at a French Airport to waste the last euros) it is because she got to fat for him, which is obviously not true because anyone with sense can see he was with her because of her charm and intellect and was not just in it for the free cars and Iceland Micrawavable Curry.

La Roux is very annoying.

Lizzie x.